Not to quit...

I guess it would be to not quit. I have smoked regularly since I thought about not quitting. I blame it on everything from being out of work, to being stressed, being bored, to losing my mind if I don't smoke but I know its all about me and my inability to quit smoking. I make ends meet, look for change between sofa cushioning and car seats just to get enough monies to smoke. This is a bunch of foolishness, when will it end. I know it will end when I grow tired of smoking, and spending my last on the hope that I will have one last drag on a cigarette. Each time I get down to that last smoke of the day, I promise myself I will quit. I now owe my daughter over a hundred dollars because I started back smoking like five times since I decided not to smoke ever again. I hate the way my apartment smells, yuck, so now I force myself to go out on the balcony and smoke. I hate that I am causing second hand smoke to those that live with me and enter into my residence...sad yet I keep doing it. Why? This is truly my 2nd addiction a lot more fatal than the 1st and I guess should actually be my first.